Bullet Proof
by It'sClassified
Summary: Nobody in life is Bullet Proof and sometimes the the unexpected can destroy you and cancer isn't a battle most people win. Warning Character death. Read with caution. Details inside.


_**A/N: Warning! Character death!**_

 _ **The type of cancer talked about in this story is something I am fairly familiar with. When I was a kid my grandma was diagnosed with it. I do not want sympathy but it is a rare cancer and even once you get "rid" of it, it'll always come back. Cancer is a terrible thing and I know a lot of people suffer with it as well as their friends and family. If cancer is a strong subject for you take massive caution before reading. I don't go into massive detail but there is death ahead.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: Everything goes to its rightful owner. I only claim my ideas.**_

 _ **Title: Bullet Proof**_

He stood with his head hung low. A cold emptiness had settled in his chest where his heart used to be and all of his happiness had been sucked out of him. The salty leak that gushed from his eyes caused his raw skin to burn as if it were on fire. Void of all emotion, he stood there, numb. Cold rain poured down from the over cast sky, a dreary setting for a day of sorrow. The ground was soggy beneath his shoes, mud drowning the souls. Inches in front of him were a mucky mess of fresh dirt. Unable to hold himself upright any longer, he fell to his knees. Water splashed up from the ground and landed on his face leaving specks of mud. He couldn't speak; all of the pain inside locked away his words. Hours had already passed and everyone had gone their separate ways. The weight of loneliness sat on his shoulders and it was too much to bear.

"It was supposed to be the other way around. Never in a million years would I have ever thought that this could happen, that it would happen; but that's the thing. No matter how bullet proof we think we are, no matter how safe we are, we will always be human. Life is life and no matter what we do, our life will come to an end." He choked on his words as he sobbed.

- _ **Flashback-**_

The words hit him like a bullet. His heart was cramping? No, his heart was breaking. All he could do was stare at the man in shock. He couldn't form any words so silence filled the room. He knew something had been wrong with his best friend. He knew that he had been hiding something important, but he never expected it to be this severe, this shattering.

"Stage four?" It was a rhetorical question.

"Unfortunately." It was almost a whisper.

"How long have you known about this?" His voice lacked emotion.

"Since Monday."

"And you didn't tell me why?"

"I didn't want you to worry."

"Worry? Come on, man." Frustration was evident.

"Look, Shawn, I'm sorry."

"You have no right to be sorry! This isn't your fault. Sure you didn't tell me but don't be sorry, don't you ever be sorry." His voice cracked. "I should have known. I should have seen the signs."

"I didn't even know. How could we?"

"The forgetfulness, constant headaches, confusion, the signs, they were there." His voice was thick with anger, but anger with himself.

"Neither one of us would have thought cancer." There was a pause. "Glioblastoma is a rare brain cancer. It comes on quickly."

Shawn looked at the other man. His eyes felt as if they were on fire. All of a sudden a grasped the man he had known all of his life in a bear hug. The two of them stood there for a moment embracing each other. Finally his façade broke and the tears broke free and a river ran down his face.

- _ **Present-**_

Shawn's entire body shook as the sobs continued. He felt like he couldn't breathe and as if his chest were caving in. The icy wind pierced through him, causing him to tremble. His fingertips felt like somebody had smacked them with a hammer and then proceeded to ram needles into them. He lifted his hands off of his knees and wiped away some of the tears so he could see.

"Cancer was never part of the plan. We were so supposed to grow old with each other. We were supposed to get married to the women of our dreams, have children, and live next door with to each other." Shawn paused. His throat was raw.

"No matter how much I want to I can't blame you for the pain. I can't hate you for leaving me. I can't hate you for going first, but I can hate myself. I can hate myself for everything I put you through. I can hate myself for not always being there. I can hate myself for not being with you when you took your final breath of life. I can hate myself because it makes it so much easier."

The small grave marker mocked him as he looked at it. Almost unbelievable, he wished that he could wake up and the nightmare be over, but that would mean luck was on his side. He never wanted to do this. He never wanted to bury his best friend.

- _ **Flashback-**_

Friends and family sat in the living room of the Guster's house. It had only been two months since the diagnosis and Gus had taken a turn for the worse. Everyone's faces were blanketed in sorrow. The doctor only gave him hours to live. His organs were beginning to shut down and he was now comatose. Shawn sat in the room with him. The silence was deafening.

Shawn held his best friends hand in a gentle grasp. Tears slipped down his cheeks and he watched the rise and fall of Gus's chest. Shawn found himself breathing in rhythm his best friend. He knew that he wouldn't have him for much longer and that cut him like a knife. The agony was beginning to become too much to bare and Shawn didn't know how much longer he could sit in that room. The room that he and Gus had played in as kids, the same room that they had their first sleepover in.

"Gus, buddy, I don't know if you can hear me but I want you to know something. I want you to know how much you mean to me. I want you to know how much of a blessing you have been to me. You've been my best friend ever since I can remember. You're not just my best friend, you're my brother. You're the one thing that has always been constant in my life, the one person who never gave up on me or left me. You've been the best friend, brother, which anyone could ever ask for." Shawn took in a breath of air in order to gain his composure.

"Gus, we have been through a lot together. We've been the best team of detectives Santa Barbara has ever seen, probably always will be. There are so many things I could thank you for, so many memories come to mind, but Gus there is something I need to say that I haven't said before."

Silence.

"Gus, I want you to know how much I love you and always will. Even though your time here on Earth is coming to an end, you will always be in my heart. You will always be a part of me. One day when I have a little boy, I'm going to name him Burton Guster Spencer. That is a promise. Your name deserves to live on. You have been more than I have ever deserved."

Shawn gave Gus's hand one final squeeze before getting up an exiting the room.

- _ **Present-**_

Three days have passed since Gus lost his battle with cancer. Three days since Shawn walked out of that room. Now, as he sat soaked in front of Gus's freshly covered grave, he felt himself dying more and more inside.

"Gus, I'm all alone." Shawn felt a warm hand on his shoulder.

He didn't have to look up to know who it was. There was only one person who would understand how he felt. One person who would be crazy enough to stand out there beside him and that person was no one other than his own father.

"Shawn, if there was one last thing Gus could tell you, it would bet that you're never alone." Henry's voice was soft, protective, comforting. Shawn didn't look up, instead he burst into a sob so heavy he almost fell over.

The next thing he knew was his dad was beside him, on the ground, holding him in the tightest embrace he had ever felt. Shawn buried his face into his dad's shoulder and wrapped his arms around him. They didn't speak. They just sat there, Shawn losing every bit of strength he had, Henry sheltering his son from loneliness.

What was left of the day, turned to darkness, and from somewhere up above Gus watched over them.

-End-

 _ **A/N:**_ _ **So, how was it? I cried so hard while writing this. Please leave me a review and tell me what you thought. :)**_


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